because it is pain that we find out the meaning of life

Finding out what the heck life is is a waste of time.

There is so much to life from pain and sorrow to joy and happiness,

from the innocence of a simple kiss to the naughtiness of sleeping around.

Life.

not constant.

like a roller coaster.

keeps going........usually

you can't let it get you down

sometimes laughter will be the only cure

Life will be consistant change and knows how to knock you off your feet the miniute you begin to stand. It'll make you feel like you can't get close to anyone because later on in life that person might just hop right out of it, like nothing ever happened. Life brings lovely gentlemen and silly frogs into your life, who will break and shatter your heart, or make your heart truly happy.

Life will bring GREAT friends and then BEST FRIENDS into your life, some to stay for good and some just to stay for a season, and that is where my stuggle begins with life.....i hate getting so close for tons of years and then it just ends randomly, it sucks. legit.

I learned something from a recent show i did...

Clint: What's life?

Sally: A magazine.

Clint: How much does it cost?

Sally: 10 cents.

Clint: That's cheap.

Sally: That's life.

1. girls are smarter

and

2. Life is cheap and it sucks

but you know what?

Just freakin live. laugh and love.

I know that sounds so cliche but its so true, life is always going to get you down but our goal in life is just to embrace it.

letters

I am writing letters to all my close friends and people i adore because i feel like it and i can.

Yeah i am only leaving for 4 months...and someone told me just to think of it as a long vacation, which is making so much easier, i'll be back. BUT i like writing so i am writing til then letters, just so i can be all mushy. yeah erica diahann just said mushy...complete opposite of haha me.

love is an ocean

your love runs deep
your love runs deep

when we are caught up in this wave of life

your love sinks deep
your love sinks deep

when the things of this world don't satisfy

your love flows deep
your love flows deep

when people's love runs dry

your love fills deep
your love fills deep

your love heals
your love saves
your love is constant
your love is an ocean

insanity

a work out that lasted.
threw up 3 times.
can't move.

come home to parents fighting.
throwing things.
abuse.
cops.

end.
so.
ready.
to.
move.

i can't help falling in love with you...

Him: "you're leaving me for 2 years!"
Me: " no, silly only 4 months, then maybe 2 years! haha"
Him: " well still..."
Random kid:" you've only known her for like a year...."
Him" yeah but she i easy to fall in love with"

Made my heart sink...
its killing me, but i guess the timing is wrong...

i truly believe i don't deserve him.
I am def not good enough for him.
but that doesn't stop me....

Not one of those posts

Love i'll title it

It is extremely hard to love someone...and no i am not talking boy girl more than a friend love.
I am simply talking about loving your enemies.
That my friends is what im trying to succesfully do right now

Love
is
patient
kind
does
not
boast
does
not
envy
love is a hard thing, a very hard thing when you think about it.

I'm trying to take someone under my wing and help transform her life....but when thi particular person doesn't take your advice and constantly complains in your ear, annoys the heck out of you, oh boy it is HARD.
But see everyone else in her life pushes her away and ignores her....who else does she have?
WWJD i know it sounds cliche...but serioulsy Jesus wouldn't push her away because of her problem...no matter how severe they were.
We are all sinners
We all have the choice to believe
We all have the choice to do whats right
and i am going to show this girl Christ by loving the crap out of her
whether it kills me or not.
someone has to do it and that someone is me.

You are the reason I love too easily
Why I cannot love at all.
Because I trusted you
I can no longer trust

The pain I hold inside
You will never know
They will never understand
That my scars don't even begin to show...


You wanted me to be your little girl
You wanted me to see you as my world
You wanted me to be all I could be
I wanted you to open your eyes and see
The pain in my eyes wasn't relief...


But Daddy, I am sorry
I am sorry I wasn't everything you wanted
I am sorry I made you mad


But now no one will know
No one will find
No one will search

Because My father broke me
Into two halves...........

All I  have to do is pretend
Become an actress
Seem not to care
Become weightless, airless

But I will live
I will breathe
I will stand tall
And for myself, I will not fall

extreme truth or dare

                   Well this is what happens when you play truth or dare with your church group....
They dare you to pick someone in the room that your comfortable with the...they put peanut butter on the bottom of that person's lovely foot, then put lucky charms on it, and make you eat it all off her feet. story of my life...and pics to go along with it! ENJOY.

                                                      

The frozen mask of glass is one of my best friends,
And my best friends' enemy.
I welcome it, I wear it every day.
The frozen mask is my escape, my confidence.
It's always with me, my frozen mask,
I wear it everywhere I go.
I trust that it will never leave,
And be with me until I die.
My dear friends hate the cruel frozen mask,
How it prevents them from seeing me.
All they can see is that frozen mask,
And they can't see my face anymore.
I love my dear frozen mask that takes away my tears.
It keeps me going every day
And I'd be lost without it.
But the only thing is, it comes with a price.

Once it comes on, it never comes off . . .

The city with the lights...

New York. New York. New York.
The closer New York gets...the more scared i become. This fear has been growing inside me ever since i got accepted for this internship. in 3 weeks...i will be on my OWN. ALONE. for the first time. away from everything i've ever known. I keep second guessing myself, which i shouldn't because that is dumb, plain and simple.

New York. New York. New York. To live in NY has been my dream since i was 5 and i became interested in acting...and now i have the chance and it makes my heart beat super fast, and my stomach becomes twisted...it is only 4 months...i keep repeating that over and over to myself, it helps a little.

New York. New York. New York. People ask me constantly, are you ready, excited? I say, " Heck yeah!" without a doubt...but I am sooo homesick already...i think maybe if i fake it to people it will become real in my heart.

New York. New York. New York. Oh. New York.

literally my best friends.

Natalie O'dell

Ashley Ruth

Gina Scheer.

New york is  going to be hard away from them

Schooooooolllll

CHEMISTRY

PHYSICS

MATH

Story time. woot woot!

Hello, beautiful people who are reading this. So let’s get started, shall we? I was born January 12, 1993 in a hospital bed like almost every other child. I was a great baby girl, there was just one problem, I had Cystic Fibrosis. A rare disease of the lungs. Now obviously I was miraculously healed, because I am alive today. So Hebrews 12:1 is my favorite verse because it has a lot to relate to me. In 7^th grade I began running cross country and was winning 1^st place in races...i continued on to run all of high school on the varsity team. So running is my testimony for God, I run and show people that God is real and alive today, I was a miracle, I had a disease of the lungs and now i can run up to 15 miles, no asthma or anything. Just like people running the race of life, there will be your obstacles but you got to push through, we are all warriors. I went to the North Church since I was in my mom’s womb, then God told my parents to leave so in the 6^th grade my family got up and left that church, life went on, I went to church but wasn’t really into it, it was hard to get plugged in, besides all my best friends were at my old church. Again, life kept going, and my parents divorced when i was in the 9^th grade. That wasn’t so hard at first but then my dad got this girlfriend who had 2 little girls and then I watched him crumble and fall from his faith, the one man i looked up to, just dropped me out of his life. I had bitterness, jealousy, anger, all hidden in my heart, with a smile on my face, I never let it show. Then when I turned 16, my mom needed real friends and so did we and headed back to the North Church, it was awkward at first but then all my buds and I became that close again. I fell in love with fellowship and decided to give Christ a real try. I re-committed my life to Christ and I began a relationship. He became my daddy, my king, my hero. Now yes there is plenty more to my story but that is it in a nut shell, and as you get to know me those gaps will fill themselves in. Thank you for your time.

Mascara running down her cheek

The heavy scars behind a tear,
The scenes unfolding, year after year,
She's sick of it all, unleashing her fear,
She's done with playing it by the ear.

Her emotions brew a flood,
Her heavy tears of blood,
Her heart melting into the mud,
Yearning to bloom into that bud.

The mascara running down her face,
As she struggles with winning that one race,
Her lips wet; face showing no grace,
Her heart damp, torn and looking for space.
*
Scenarios come and go,
Her tears take up more,
Waiting for that moment sweep-her-off-the-floor,
Anticipating something; turning out a big blow.

That moment, so fake,
Passes by with her ache,
That moment, although real,
Already made the seal.

The mascara running down her face,
As she struggles with winning that one race,
Her lips wet; evident disgrace,
Heart all damp; losing at her own pace.

EMBRACE YOUR "YOU" NESS

being different is one of the most beautiful things on earth.

Basically i was born on a different cloud, and i LOVE being unique and authentic.

i like that i am 18 and am in love with hannah montana and that i have been obsessed with mk and ashley olsen since i was the age. big deal, who cares? i am me. and i have the right to do that.

See i am irreplaceable because i bet you no one else, picks the seams off their shirt or picks at their gums til they bleed, or sucked their thumb til they were 12, had a duck stuffed animal and named it chicken, has thrown up on a plane on the way back from Canada, asked how you say "enchilada" in spanish, got stitched from running into a gate, got attacked by a dog in the face, or has as many laughs as this girl does. nope. no one with all those same experiences.

emotional and physical wreck

This is what my heart looks like right now.

Yes today i got into a car accident.

afraid. mad. disappointed. embarassed.

too many feelings at once.

overwhelmed.

i BROKE.

still crying as i'm writing this.

but PRAISE GOD.

I feel God most when i fall apart.

I love the way He holds me.

But right now im a mess

brain is fizzled

heart is torn

have you noticed...i'm VERY hard on myself?